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Last night I had a dream.... I dreamt I took the Checkride from Hell. The examiner had these horns... I had had only two hours sleep the previous night, but had compensated with seven cups of coffee.... First came the oral from hell. It lasted five hours. We probed every corner of the FARs, and even some of the NEARs. I was tested by the dictum of the Blessed Bernouilli, and not found wanting. Yea! The weather of both poles, yes, and Papua New Guinea, was visited. Every nuance of logging PIC time was explored. Playfully, he teased me: "When is Vx equal to Vy?" "What are the VFR weather minimums for class G during the night at or below 1200 feet?" "What's the load factor with elevated Density Altitude?" "How long do you have to notify the NTSB if there's an incident involving a lady in a red dress?" Buckets of sweat did I sweat, O my brothers! But my learning was true, and so I matched the Oral from Hell. I passed through it and was not Burned. Yea! Then came the flight test. By the time we finished the Oral, it was night. I made sure to thoroughly preflight the plane, using a stereo microscope to inspect all the rivets. But he did get impatient while I was Zygloeing the internal engine parts. He put me under the hood for the takeoff. "Plan a new cross-country during the takeoff roll..." He made me fly partial panel, everything blacked out but the Hobbs meter. He made me close my eyes and recover from unusual atttitudes - first, an inverted flat spin, then a hammerhead stall. He breathed fire on me as a distraction. He had ATC call me names. He beat me about the head and ears as I flew inverted through the moonlit IMC. He asked me subtle questions from the FARs on final approach. He graded me on my ability to recover from spins on a specific radial of an NDB.... That's when I woke up in a sweat :-). |